As much as we all hope for a carefree life, there are going to beevents that change life forever. Nothing stays the same, change is inevitable; but sometimes the change is unexpected and unpleasant.
It might be just a move to another town or country; it might be a divorce, or death of a spouse or child. How can we cope with this type of change and organize a whole new way of life?
The first thing to remember is that we don't have to fix or cope with everything in a day. You may be overwhelmed by grief, anger, confusion or fear, and getting through the day is as much as you can do. This doesn't mean these feelings will last forever, sometimes you need to let yourself wallow in them. Take time out to rest, re-evaluate and re-group.
At times, a domino effect occurs and a combination, or series of stress-inducing events occurs. You may have to deal with death or divorce, moving, job-hunting and children all at once. Each family member is also coming to terms with the loss and problems of restructuring his or her life. Tempers and emotions run high. Before you do anything else, deal with the emotions.
Whatever your situation, call a formal meeting with your immediate family members (the ones that are in this just like you are.) Acknowledge the feelings. Find out what the biggest fears are and talk about them.
When each person has had a turn talking and all the fears have been listed, brainstorm together to come up with a list of tasks for an action plan for each person.
What will make the fear go away? How can you help each other to make things better? Each person (even the smallest child) should have a to-do list.
Often what is a big fear for a child is something that you can reassure them about right away.
With death of a spouse or divorce, children are worried that something might happen to the remaining parent. You can assure them that you are taking good care of yourself and hope to be around for a long time. Be reassuring but don't promise anything you don't have control over.
The child is being realistic, something could happen to you, or one of them for that matter.
This is not the time to talk in detail about the fact that we don't know when it's our time to go; but you should start thinking about things like insurance and wills for yourself. This is a big topic, but if you have been left on your own, this is something that needs to be addressed when you are feeling more in control of things.
The main thing is to project a positive attitude. What is done is done, it can't be changed, but you can all learn to adapt, millions of others have and it isn't always fun; but it is not going to be like this forever.
Tips for the meantime
Start a personal journal; write down all your feelings, questions and observations on what is happening to you and your children. Do this in a free flowing way. Set aside some time to write ten or fifteen minutes - let it all hang out on the page. If you do this every day and review your journal once a week you may see themes emerging. Those themes are patterns of a problem that needs to be worked on first.
Encourage each child or family member to keep a journal and provide a notebook for each one. Sometimes they don't want to do this, but assure them that whatever they write will be for their eyes only and no one else will read it. Whatever you do, don't intrude on their privacy, let them write and get it all down on paper. They may want you to read it and that is great but, respect their right to privacy and encourage the rest of the family to do the same. If someone doesn't want to keep a journal, give them the notebook anyway.
Schedule a little family meeting each day where you all touch base and record your to-do's and plans for the day. Some days you won't feel like doing this, but try to do it every day. It puts some structure into a life that is out of control and allows everyone to feel like they are moving ahead. Encourage them to cross-off the tasks, no matter how small, as they are accomplished. And don't overdo this, keep the lists reasonable and doable, it is better to have three things to do all day than to make a long list that is just going to overwhelm you.
You may need more help than your personal resources allow, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Talk with the counselors at your child's school, your family doctor, minister or a very close friend. Sometimes all it takes is talking with someone who is not inside the problem. Others see things from a different perspective and may be able to help you organize your thinking on many aspects of your situation.
Now is not the time to worry too much about the household chores; although, keeping things as normal as possible will help somewhat. Make sure everyone is asked to help.
Good or bad - nothing lasts forever and you can reinvent your life as many others have. Planning a new life, while overwhelming, can be exciting if you take it a step at a time and don't try to do it all alone. And remember, you don't have to do it all in one day.
To find a Pre-Screened Divorce Lawyer in your area, please call our 24Hr Unbiased Lawyer Referral Hotline at 661-310-7999.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Emotional Stages Of Divorce
Stages of Divorce
Ending your marriage is not just a legal technicality; there are also the emotional stages of divorce to work through. While not everyone experiences them to the same degree, there are predictable emotions that need to be recognized and worked through, as outlined in the following article.
The Emotional Roller Coaster of Divorce
Divorce is an emotional task unlike any other in modern society, and different people experience it in different ways. While some individuals go through nearly all of the extreme emotional states that we describe here, others have an easier time getting through this period and will maneuver these choppy waters with more skill. The important thing to remember is that all the emotions we discuss are normal, but while some are readily acknowledged by the people experiencing them, others are so uncomfortable that it's difficult even to admit they exist. The wide array of emotional states that many people experience during the early stages of the divorce process can diminish their capacity to think clearly, impair their judgment, and make rational decision making difficult or impossible.
Grief and Sorrow
Being sad when a marriage ends is natural. Although it's painful, grief is a healthy emotional response to the loss of an important relationship. We are hardwired to feel it, and it wouldn't be reasonable to expect otherwise. While sorrow and grief can be very hard to handle, most people do understand and accept the inevitability of these feelings.
We know from research, theoretical writings, and personal experience with thousands of people going through divorces that though the emotional impact of a divorce is as severe as that of a death in the immediate family, the grief and recovery process does have a beginning, middle, and end. Though they may seem endless, the pain and confusion surrounding separation and divorce do gradually lighten and finally go away -- for most people over a period of eighteen months to three or four years following the marital separation, though recovery can be quicker or slower.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the hospice movement, first described the stages of grieving about and recovering from a major trauma such as death or divorce:
Denial: "This is not happening to me. It's all a misunderstanding. It's just a midlife crisis. We can work it out."
Anger and resentment: "How can he [she] do this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? This is not fair!"
Bargaining: "If you'll stay, I'll change" or "If I agree to do it [money, childrearing, sex, whatever] your way, can we get back together?"
Depression: "This is really happening, I can't do anything about it, and I don't think I can bear it."
Acceptance: "Okay, this is how it is, and I'd rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past."
Understanding these stages can be very helpful when it comes to talking about divorce and decision making. It's important to know that when you are in the early stages of this grief and recovery process, it can be challenging to think clearly or to make decisions at all, much less to make them well. Identifying your present stage of grief and being aware of it is an important step toward ensuring that you will make the best choices you can.
Guilt and Shame
Experiencing guilt and shame is also a normal reaction to the end of a marriage. These feelings arise when we feel a sense of failure -- of not having fulfilled our own or our community's expectations. In the case of divorce, people often feel guilt and/or shame because they have failed to stay married for life. That's partly a matter of personal expectations -- not fulfilling the promises made to a spouse -- and also partly a matter of not fulfilling what our culture seems to expect from us. If our culture's expectations about marriage and divorce are reasonable -- if they fit well with how people actually behave in that culture -- and we don't measure up, the guilt and shame felt at the time of divorce may be appropriate. If the culture's expectations don't match well with the reality of marriage and divorce as people actually live it, the guilt and shame can be much more problematic -- difficult to see clearly, difficult to acknowledge, difficult to manage in a divorce. In addition, there are some marriages in which one or both partners have engaged in extremes of betrayal, deceit, or even criminal behavior that almost always involve feelings of guilt and shame.
Regardless of whether the feelings arise from not having met one's own or the culture's ideals or from actual wrongdoing, we know that for many individuals, guilt and shame can be so painful that they change very quickly into other, more tolerable feelings, such as anger or depression -- often without the person's even knowing that the guilt and shame are there. This is why it is so common in divorce for each partner to blame the other and why it can be so difficult for divorcing partners to accept responsibility for their own part in a failed marriage.
We've encountered few divorcing people who find it easy to see or accept their own feelings of guilt and shame. These powerfully negative feelings often remain under the radar, hidden and invisible, where they do the most harm. Strong feelings of guilt or shame can make it difficult or impossible to take in more balanced information, to maintain your perspective, and to consider realistically your best alternatives for how to resolve problems.
Guilt can cause spouses to feel they have no right to ask for what they need in a divorce, causing them to negotiate unbalanced, unrealistic settlements they later regret. Family lawyers have a saying that "guilt has a short half-life," and because guilt is such an uncomfortable feeling, it can easily transform into anger. We often see people who have negotiated guilt-driven agreements having second thoughts and going back to court to try to set aside imprudent settlements.
Similarly, shame often transforms into blame, anger, or rage directed at the spouse. Bitter fights over children or property can be propelled by feelings like these, because modern divorces seldom brand either partner as Snow White or Hitler, Prince Charming or the Wicked Witch, and therefore the anger, which needs to go somewhere, goes into fights over matters that courts are permitted to make orders about.
Fear and Anxiety
Fear and anxiety are common because of our hardwired "fight-or-flight" instinct. Our bodies react to stresses (such as an angry phone call from a spouse) by using physical alarm mechanisms that haven't changed since our ancestors had to react instantly to avoid being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. You react to stress physiologically in the following ways:
Your heart speeds up, and adrenaline pours into your bloodstream Your adrenaline makes your heart contract more forcefully and may cause you to feel a pounding sensation in your head You may feel hot flashes of energy Your attention homes in on the event that triggered the strong feelings, limiting your ability to take in new information When people are under chronic and severe stress, they may have anxiety attacks, in which they tremble and their heart pounds. Or they may be paralyzed by almost overwhelming feelings of fear that seem to come out of nowhere. We work with many people who experience these feelings as their marriages end. People who feel overwhelmed or confused in this way tend to fall back upon old habits of thought and action rather than looking intelligently at the facts of their situation and weighing the best choices for the future.
Old Arguments Die Hard
As marriages become troubled, couples often rely on old habits of dealing with differences that lead to fights rather than solutions. If those old habits didn't lead to constructive solutions during the marriage, they will surely yield no better results during the divorce. In addition, people feeling anxious and fearful may resist pressure to move forward and resolve divorce-related issues because of feeling unready, while their spouses may be impatient, seeing no reason why the divorce wasn't over months ago. Bitter fights in the divorce courts often stem from differences such as these.
Unfortunately, both our court system and our culture at large encourage us to take action in divorces based on how we feel when we are at the bottom of the emotional roller coaster, when we are most gripped by anxiety, fear, grief, guilt, and shame. After all, that's when most people are moved to make the first call to a divorce lawyer. As a result, people are encouraged to make shortsighted choices based on emotional reactions that do not take into account anyone's long-term best interests. The resulting "bad divorces" harm everyone and serve no one well. They are very costly; they fail to plan intelligently for the future; and they inflict psychological scars on both the adults and the children.
Ending your marriage is not just a legal technicality; there are also the emotional stages of divorce to work through. While not everyone experiences them to the same degree, there are predictable emotions that need to be recognized and worked through, as outlined in the following article.
The Emotional Roller Coaster of Divorce
Divorce is an emotional task unlike any other in modern society, and different people experience it in different ways. While some individuals go through nearly all of the extreme emotional states that we describe here, others have an easier time getting through this period and will maneuver these choppy waters with more skill. The important thing to remember is that all the emotions we discuss are normal, but while some are readily acknowledged by the people experiencing them, others are so uncomfortable that it's difficult even to admit they exist. The wide array of emotional states that many people experience during the early stages of the divorce process can diminish their capacity to think clearly, impair their judgment, and make rational decision making difficult or impossible.
Grief and Sorrow
Being sad when a marriage ends is natural. Although it's painful, grief is a healthy emotional response to the loss of an important relationship. We are hardwired to feel it, and it wouldn't be reasonable to expect otherwise. While sorrow and grief can be very hard to handle, most people do understand and accept the inevitability of these feelings.
We know from research, theoretical writings, and personal experience with thousands of people going through divorces that though the emotional impact of a divorce is as severe as that of a death in the immediate family, the grief and recovery process does have a beginning, middle, and end. Though they may seem endless, the pain and confusion surrounding separation and divorce do gradually lighten and finally go away -- for most people over a period of eighteen months to three or four years following the marital separation, though recovery can be quicker or slower.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the hospice movement, first described the stages of grieving about and recovering from a major trauma such as death or divorce:
Denial: "This is not happening to me. It's all a misunderstanding. It's just a midlife crisis. We can work it out."
Anger and resentment: "How can he [she] do this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? This is not fair!"
Bargaining: "If you'll stay, I'll change" or "If I agree to do it [money, childrearing, sex, whatever] your way, can we get back together?"
Depression: "This is really happening, I can't do anything about it, and I don't think I can bear it."
Acceptance: "Okay, this is how it is, and I'd rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past."
Understanding these stages can be very helpful when it comes to talking about divorce and decision making. It's important to know that when you are in the early stages of this grief and recovery process, it can be challenging to think clearly or to make decisions at all, much less to make them well. Identifying your present stage of grief and being aware of it is an important step toward ensuring that you will make the best choices you can.
Guilt and Shame
Experiencing guilt and shame is also a normal reaction to the end of a marriage. These feelings arise when we feel a sense of failure -- of not having fulfilled our own or our community's expectations. In the case of divorce, people often feel guilt and/or shame because they have failed to stay married for life. That's partly a matter of personal expectations -- not fulfilling the promises made to a spouse -- and also partly a matter of not fulfilling what our culture seems to expect from us. If our culture's expectations about marriage and divorce are reasonable -- if they fit well with how people actually behave in that culture -- and we don't measure up, the guilt and shame felt at the time of divorce may be appropriate. If the culture's expectations don't match well with the reality of marriage and divorce as people actually live it, the guilt and shame can be much more problematic -- difficult to see clearly, difficult to acknowledge, difficult to manage in a divorce. In addition, there are some marriages in which one or both partners have engaged in extremes of betrayal, deceit, or even criminal behavior that almost always involve feelings of guilt and shame.
Regardless of whether the feelings arise from not having met one's own or the culture's ideals or from actual wrongdoing, we know that for many individuals, guilt and shame can be so painful that they change very quickly into other, more tolerable feelings, such as anger or depression -- often without the person's even knowing that the guilt and shame are there. This is why it is so common in divorce for each partner to blame the other and why it can be so difficult for divorcing partners to accept responsibility for their own part in a failed marriage.
We've encountered few divorcing people who find it easy to see or accept their own feelings of guilt and shame. These powerfully negative feelings often remain under the radar, hidden and invisible, where they do the most harm. Strong feelings of guilt or shame can make it difficult or impossible to take in more balanced information, to maintain your perspective, and to consider realistically your best alternatives for how to resolve problems.
Guilt can cause spouses to feel they have no right to ask for what they need in a divorce, causing them to negotiate unbalanced, unrealistic settlements they later regret. Family lawyers have a saying that "guilt has a short half-life," and because guilt is such an uncomfortable feeling, it can easily transform into anger. We often see people who have negotiated guilt-driven agreements having second thoughts and going back to court to try to set aside imprudent settlements.
Similarly, shame often transforms into blame, anger, or rage directed at the spouse. Bitter fights over children or property can be propelled by feelings like these, because modern divorces seldom brand either partner as Snow White or Hitler, Prince Charming or the Wicked Witch, and therefore the anger, which needs to go somewhere, goes into fights over matters that courts are permitted to make orders about.
Fear and Anxiety
Fear and anxiety are common because of our hardwired "fight-or-flight" instinct. Our bodies react to stresses (such as an angry phone call from a spouse) by using physical alarm mechanisms that haven't changed since our ancestors had to react instantly to avoid being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. You react to stress physiologically in the following ways:
Your heart speeds up, and adrenaline pours into your bloodstream Your adrenaline makes your heart contract more forcefully and may cause you to feel a pounding sensation in your head You may feel hot flashes of energy Your attention homes in on the event that triggered the strong feelings, limiting your ability to take in new information When people are under chronic and severe stress, they may have anxiety attacks, in which they tremble and their heart pounds. Or they may be paralyzed by almost overwhelming feelings of fear that seem to come out of nowhere. We work with many people who experience these feelings as their marriages end. People who feel overwhelmed or confused in this way tend to fall back upon old habits of thought and action rather than looking intelligently at the facts of their situation and weighing the best choices for the future.
Old Arguments Die Hard
As marriages become troubled, couples often rely on old habits of dealing with differences that lead to fights rather than solutions. If those old habits didn't lead to constructive solutions during the marriage, they will surely yield no better results during the divorce. In addition, people feeling anxious and fearful may resist pressure to move forward and resolve divorce-related issues because of feeling unready, while their spouses may be impatient, seeing no reason why the divorce wasn't over months ago. Bitter fights in the divorce courts often stem from differences such as these.
Unfortunately, both our court system and our culture at large encourage us to take action in divorces based on how we feel when we are at the bottom of the emotional roller coaster, when we are most gripped by anxiety, fear, grief, guilt, and shame. After all, that's when most people are moved to make the first call to a divorce lawyer. As a result, people are encouraged to make shortsighted choices based on emotional reactions that do not take into account anyone's long-term best interests. The resulting "bad divorces" harm everyone and serve no one well. They are very costly; they fail to plan intelligently for the future; and they inflict psychological scars on both the adults and the children.
What to consider during Divorce?
There will be days when you will have doubts about whether you can make it on your own, about the children, about your decision, about finances. Thoughts of reconciliation may occur as you travel along this path. Sometimes reconciliation can work; however, without couples therapy and lots of hard work, couples frequently fall back into old habits and patterns.
Imagine the marriage you would like to have with this person. Imagine the changes you would like to see. Now ask yourself… is it possible? Really possible?
Of course, anything is possible, provided the other person is willing. Let’s assume that he is willing and you go to couples therapy, you work hard, you both change. Now ask yourself . . . Would it be enough? If your answer is no, then you are on the right path. Many women who have reached this point say that nothing would be enough. The pain, deception, betrayal, and loss of trust is so great that nothing could change those feelings. If you are one of those women, honor your decision to divorce and realize you are on the right track. You aren’t a failure or a quitter; you have merely learned when to cut your losses.
The desire to reconcile is often the desire to return to a known entity, to a familiar way of being. It is often the fear of the unknown rather then a true desire to reconcile your marriage. Some women change their mind and try again—not because they think it can work out successfully, but because they are afraid of the unknown of the future. The future is always unknown, whether you stay or you go. However, making decisions that are based on truth rather than fear is always healthier. It puts us in charge of our lives and our destiny.
Today I recognize that nothing he could do at this point would be enough and that closes the option of going back to the marriage. While that is sad, it also frees me to look ahead to my future without complicated “what ifs.”
Imagine the marriage you would like to have with this person. Imagine the changes you would like to see. Now ask yourself… is it possible? Really possible?
Of course, anything is possible, provided the other person is willing. Let’s assume that he is willing and you go to couples therapy, you work hard, you both change. Now ask yourself . . . Would it be enough? If your answer is no, then you are on the right path. Many women who have reached this point say that nothing would be enough. The pain, deception, betrayal, and loss of trust is so great that nothing could change those feelings. If you are one of those women, honor your decision to divorce and realize you are on the right track. You aren’t a failure or a quitter; you have merely learned when to cut your losses.
The desire to reconcile is often the desire to return to a known entity, to a familiar way of being. It is often the fear of the unknown rather then a true desire to reconcile your marriage. Some women change their mind and try again—not because they think it can work out successfully, but because they are afraid of the unknown of the future. The future is always unknown, whether you stay or you go. However, making decisions that are based on truth rather than fear is always healthier. It puts us in charge of our lives and our destiny.
Today I recognize that nothing he could do at this point would be enough and that closes the option of going back to the marriage. While that is sad, it also frees me to look ahead to my future without complicated “what ifs.”
How To Deal With Trust Issues In Relationships
Dealing with trust issues in relationships is an important part of your divorce recovery. After you have been lied to, cheated on, or taken advantage of, it's easy to believe that no one is trustworthy. But if you go through life thinking that relationships only bring hurt, then you stand the chance of missing out on getting to know someone who will actually treat you right. The article below offers tips and suggestions to help you learn how to trust again.
Dealing with the Loss of Trust
Divorce takes its toll on women in different ways. Some of the effects are immediate, like the loss of companionship, love, and economic security, while some of the effects only come to the light long after the fact. The loss of trust is one of those hidden wounds that tends to surface long after a marriage has come to an end.
Dealing with the loss of trust is important. It is impossible to have a close romantic relationship without trust. Trust is the most basic component of being close to someone. Trust entails knowing that a partner cares about you, that he is available when you need him, and that he has your best interest at heart.
Divorce takes it toll on one's sense of trust because it tends to bring out the worst in us. A painful divorce can turn a cooperative partnership into competitive free-for-all destroying a sense of trust in others in the process.
So learning to trust again is critical. As issues of trust arise in your next relationship, it is important to talk about them early on and directly. If you fail to discuss it, the issue will not go away. And it will most likely find a way to come out through your behavior, usually making matters worse.
So, how do you deal with issues of trust as they arise in the future?
When trying to regain a sense of trust, the first step involves explaining how you feel. Everyone wants to be understood, but most people go about it the wrong way. The best way to get someone to understand your point of view is to focus on your feelings and not their behavior. But, when people are hurt or upset, it is common for them to blame or attack others. For instance, if you are upset because someone did not follow through on a promise, it is common for people to ignore the situation or blame the other person for what happened "I thought you said that you would...."
Again, ignoring the issue does not make it go away nor does it help restore one's sense of trust. Rather than blaming the other person for what happened (even thought it was most likely his fault), it helps to focus on your feelings rather than his behavior "I am kinda of sad and feeling a little hurt, and I don't like feeling this way." When you focus on your feelings, it makes it easier for him to hear what you have to say. And having him understand your point of view is the first step when trying to regain trust.
Should I Divorce?
Before moving on with what you need to know about divorce, the next few paragraphs will ask you to look before you leap if you find yourself wanting out of your marriage. Choosing to divorce might ultimately be your decision, but it should be one made in a state of calm with little doubt and few regrets.
When someone approaches me and says he or she wants a divorce, my first reaction is to say, "Are you sure?" Decisions made in haste can take on lives of their own, and before you know it, there may be no turning back to save your marriage. Deep down we all know when we are at peace with the decisions we've made- big and small. Sometimes we listen to our gut and sometimes we don't.
When we make decisions and take action while our doubt mechanism is in full gear, we know we will eventually pay for it. To avoid this scenario, respect the little voice inside you, if it says "wait." Your gut instinct is asking you to reevaluate the situation before making your decision. Before making this significant change in your life take a good look at yourself and your concept of marriage.
When you're looking at the choice to divorce, forget all about the idea of the romantic fairy tale. It's time to take a good look at marriage and understand what it really takes to make this type of partnership work. Depending on how realistic and honest you are when evaluating your situation, when it comes to a divorce, you may find that the grass may not always be greener on the other side. For a good dose of reality, sit down and write out a pro and con list of staying married vs. the realities of divorce and being single.
Consider the following: children, your career status and ability to make money, finances, life style changes, cost of divorce, being single again and the threat of sexually transmitted diseases once you're back on the dating circuit. (You may be thinking, "I never want to date again, but trust me, you will.)
Consider the following:
Have you gone to marriage counseling?
Have you and your spouse taken the time to talk and isolate the real problems of the marriage?
Do you really listen to each other or just nag, complain and tune out?
How well do you compromise and try to find time for enjoying quality time together?
How productive or destructive are your methods of fighting?
Do you kiss and make up without holding grudges?
Are you teammates working toward the same goals?
Are you both willing to work on your issues together?
Writing out the answers to these questions will help guide you in making an educated, rational decision. Divorce is difficult, but it might be your best option and worth the temporary discomfort of transitioning into a new life. The process of honest evaluation will help you experience more peace and have fewer doubts regardless of your decision.
To find a Pre-Screened Divorce Lawyer in your area, please call our 24Hr Unbiased Lawyer Referral Hotline at 661-310-7999.
When someone approaches me and says he or she wants a divorce, my first reaction is to say, "Are you sure?" Decisions made in haste can take on lives of their own, and before you know it, there may be no turning back to save your marriage. Deep down we all know when we are at peace with the decisions we've made- big and small. Sometimes we listen to our gut and sometimes we don't.
When we make decisions and take action while our doubt mechanism is in full gear, we know we will eventually pay for it. To avoid this scenario, respect the little voice inside you, if it says "wait." Your gut instinct is asking you to reevaluate the situation before making your decision. Before making this significant change in your life take a good look at yourself and your concept of marriage.
When you're looking at the choice to divorce, forget all about the idea of the romantic fairy tale. It's time to take a good look at marriage and understand what it really takes to make this type of partnership work. Depending on how realistic and honest you are when evaluating your situation, when it comes to a divorce, you may find that the grass may not always be greener on the other side. For a good dose of reality, sit down and write out a pro and con list of staying married vs. the realities of divorce and being single.
Consider the following: children, your career status and ability to make money, finances, life style changes, cost of divorce, being single again and the threat of sexually transmitted diseases once you're back on the dating circuit. (You may be thinking, "I never want to date again, but trust me, you will.)
Consider the following:
Have you gone to marriage counseling?
Have you and your spouse taken the time to talk and isolate the real problems of the marriage?
Do you really listen to each other or just nag, complain and tune out?
How well do you compromise and try to find time for enjoying quality time together?
How productive or destructive are your methods of fighting?
Do you kiss and make up without holding grudges?
Are you teammates working toward the same goals?
Are you both willing to work on your issues together?
Writing out the answers to these questions will help guide you in making an educated, rational decision. Divorce is difficult, but it might be your best option and worth the temporary discomfort of transitioning into a new life. The process of honest evaluation will help you experience more peace and have fewer doubts regardless of your decision.
To find a Pre-Screened Divorce Lawyer in your area, please call our 24Hr Unbiased Lawyer Referral Hotline at 661-310-7999.
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